Bad Dreams:

I am constantly having nightmares about my kids. It is so strange, they have drowned, fallen from 3 story buildings, and been kidnapped numerous times. Most recently, my nightmare was that we had to choose one of the kids to be eaten by lions. Needless to say, I wake up screaming every time I have one of these horrible dreams. After the lion dream, we went to the zoo and I couldn't help laughing when Christian kept sticking his head in the lion fountain. Does anybody else have this same problem or am I just eating fried food too late at night???

I am just sad. I know that I have two wonderful kids, but as much as I try to stay positive, my sadness overwhelms me. Maybe it is because Kelli is out of town and I am lonely... I don't know. I just hate when people say, "Look at all you have," or "Just snap out of it." It just goes to show that you don't know what is going on in people's minds. Is that person who seems to have a great life really up all night so depressed that they can't even cry? I guess the grass is always greener on the other side until you actually walk over there and realize that you are allergic to grass. Which I am. It doesn't help the situation. Anyway, I will just keep getting up in the morning and do what I need to do to get throughout the day. I am starting to look really old. I think it is because I forgot how to smile.

Has anybody seen my keys??

Anybody who knows me realizes that I spend quite a bit of time looking for lost items around the house. Whether it is my keys, shoes, or my bag, it always seems that I can't get out of the house. I must say... this has all become a growing problem as my kids get bigger and bigger. One flip flop will be in the trash can and the other thrown down the stairs. Recently, I have been finding my keys in the loop of the doors.I thought maybe Christian was playing with them and being silly, but I caught Owen in the act the other day. And THIS is why I will be about 10 minutes late to just about everything.

Staging.

As you have probably heard, most likely because I needed you help, I am taking a staging course. Well, I got it all turned in, and am just waiting for the results. Thanks to Mom, Laura, Karen, Kelli, Jenny, and Jason for all of your help! Here is my favorite before and after picture. It is at Karen's house. She really does know how to decorate with dolls. I remember when we were little I would stare at her shelf for hours and hours. I am so glad that she still decorates with Barbies! Thanks again!

Sometimes coming in Second pays off:

Gee, I hate to brag... well, actually, I love to brag, I just normally don't have a whole lot to brag about. I was so excited last weekend because during the Scrapbook USA expo, I won second prize in the page contest. I was so glad that I did not win first place, I was freaking out! Here's why:
1st place prize was a catered luncheon for 5 people with a scrapbook class, and the cover of a non-scrapbook related magazine (Synergy Magazine).
Second prize was 6 sessions of laser hair removal ($469.00 worth), a spa pedicure, a $100.00 spa gift certificate, and $200.00 worth of fancy make-up.
Um yeah... no more hairy armpits! Woo hoo!
So as you can see... Being second best pays off. The lady who won first place saw what I won and said: "Wow, I would rather have that." Yeah... so would I! I think the worst part about winning the first place prize would be deciding who to choose to go to the luncheon. It stressed me out even thinking about it. This way I can just use the prize on me:)

The Mystery Machine Cake!

This is the reason Kelli is Christian's favorite Aunt:
10 cake mixes, 30 eggs, 5 cups of oil, 4 cubes of butter, 200 drops of food coloring, a half a dozen different kinds of candy, 3 loads of dishes, at least 10 hours of labor, etc... TAH DAH! One awesome birthday cake. We actually made 2 cakes.The first one totally melted. I was so sad! So kelli stayed until after 2:00am and we started another one. Then she came over the day of the party and finished it up with me. What devotion! So, my Mom was a bit distraught because I refused to cut the final cake... it was just too much work. So, I am thinking of selling it on ebay.
Anyway, thanks Kelli... I am already planning the next one- do you have any plans for next Friday night??

My Heart Hurts.

Sometimes I feel like I am totally emotionally constipated. I feel like the last year I have focused on being strong, not losing it, and generally keeping it together. I found myself telling Christian today to "stop crying, it doesn't help." Has that become my new mantra? I used to cry at everything, which is so ironic because I have shed so few tears over the death of my own Dad. I am pretty sure that my brain is protecting me so that I don't have a complete breakdown- it just hasn't hit me yet. All I know is that if this were any other situation, I would want to be with my Dad. He was such a good comforter. I have spent many hours snuggled with him on the couch just holding his hand. I miss our simple relationship and how we could just sit in a room quietly together and not have to talk. I miss his unwavering example of the person I should try to be. I just feel so lost. WHat do you do when the one person you need to comfort you is the one who you are mourning over. Maybe he is here now and I just don't know it. I hope so. I miss you Daddy.

Ugly Kids

I recently joined facebook, and it has been great seeing some of my old classmates. The funniest thing is that everybody thinks that their kids are the cutest. Don't you? Any good parent thinks that their kids are the best looking, smartest, and most wonderful human beings on the planet. I have never once heard a parent say: "Yeah, Sally is ugly, but we love her anyway." I actually think this is a good thing. If we can't think that our own offspring are good-looking, then what has this world come to. But, there must be some ugly kids out there SOMEWHERE, right? Maybe half of us are just lying about how cute little Timmy's 3rd grade school pictures are. Well, although there are definitely ugly kids out there I am 100% sure they aren't mine. These little angles always look perfect.

Anorexia

You know, I have been thinking a lot lately about what we consider as "diseases" now days. I have been watching my dad fight terminal cancer for the last 10 months, and it makes me wonder why the hell we let our society get away with so much crap. How can things such as cancer, Parkinson's Disease, and Fibromialsia be in the same category as anorexia and alcoholism. Really, think about it. If I am "addicted" to something, isn't that a choice? I really don't think that things that we can change with a little self-control should be determined as diseases. And for Pete's sake, don't get me wrong, I really do think that there are legitimate mental diseases. I just don't think that a person who is addicted to a substance, refuse to eat, or won't stop eating desserts should get special treatment. Hell, aren't we ALL struggling with something in our lives. Don't we all have to sometimes tear ourselves out of bed in the morning and simply function and get through the day. I am addicted to watching old movies (Cinemarelica Disease), but I get my ass off of the couch and take care of the family, cook dinner, and fold laundry. I am addicted to chocolate (Chocolathism), but I don't sit around and eat it all day and feel sorry for myself. I don't use my weaknesses as excuses so that I don't have to do the mundane things in this life.
I think we should leave the term disease to those who deserve it, not just any selfish idiot who can't control their impulses.